Tag Archives: relationship

hashtagsinglegirlproblems

As an observer and part (I would like to believe so) of the political scene in Philadelphia for a few years, I have come to the realization that there are three types of civically engaged African American men in Philadelphia: “Those who are”, “those who want to be”, and “those who are here for the left over Politihos”(It’s just what it sounds like, trust me) who have had their dreams of being the next Michelle Obama crushed faster than their $20 H&M shoes start to hurt their feet.

There. I just said what so many women have probably thought to themselves countless times during endless political networking events, fundraisers, and happy hours. Many an hour of my life that I cannot get back have been spent studying (i.e. mingling and trying to control my resting bitch face) these local fellows. Let’s delve into each type shall we? “Those who are” is pretty self-explanatory. These are your elected officials, high powered lobbyists, staff, consultants, and movers and shakers of the city. Everyone wants to talk to, take a selfie with, or be seen with them. They have celebrity status and can do no wrong in the eyes of their constituents. “Those who are here for the Politihos” just came for those women who hope and pray that with the right hair, highest heels, and shortest skirt, that they will be whisked into the VIP section and possibly First Lady status. Those who want to be, well here is where things get very dicey for a single girl who is looking for her Frank Underwood to take her away from single girl status.

Upon further study, “those who want to be” can be broken down into two very distinct subgroups: Those who have legitimate potential to be and those who think they are by putting on a suit with a nice pocket square and some fancy socks. Now if you are like me, a single girl with a plan, then you obviously want the first choice. Someone you can work with and use all of you finely crafted Claire Underwood skills to build the two of you into the power couple that rivals Michelle and Barack. Someone who has the knowledge, presence, and grace to be that politician. Who you want to ride with, in the first car of the roller coaster for the entire amazing ride. Just typing that gives me hope that one day, one day I will be living that dream. But ladies, that sneaky wannabe type. What they lack in social skills, conversation, simple knowledge of politics, and basic fashion sense, they make up for in sheer determination in trying to make you believe that they are, in fact, somebody.

Looking the part and being the part is what separates the men from the boys, or in my case potential dates from potential blog post subjects. Even with their suit-pocket square-tie-sock-shoe-briefcase game, I can see right through their clever ruse. I have seen some cute dogs in suits and I have seen some men in nice suits who act like dogs #justsayin. It is your job to look past the GQ magazine cover and actually listen to the words that are coming out of their mouth. While it may sound good, because you know, he is in a suit and he does look dapper. If what he is saying has you hearing Scooby Doo in your head (think about it for a second). Run away, drink the alcohol that hopefully to have, or excuse yourself from the conversation. Do whatever you have to do to get away from the sneaky bastard. And dear super woman, since I am one of you, I know what you are thinking, “Maybe I can teach him a thing or two. Dress him up a bit. Make him into something.” Do yourself a favor. Take your hand, right or left it really doesn’t matter and with a lot of force, slap that shitty idea out of your head. He will not change. He thinks that he is part of the crowd. If you point out that he is in fact, a wannabe, 10 times out 10, he will not believe you. So save yourself and your liver a lot of trouble, get out before you get in.

Young Clare Hale, if you stay the course and don’t get distracted by the shiny fake packaging, fast talking, snake oil salesmanship of the political wannabes the end of the tunnel will be your prize. Your ride or die political soulmate. Your very own Francis Joseph Underwood. Stay strong girl.

Later Days,

B

hashtagsinglegirlproblems

singlegirllogo

Sometimes you just have to laugh to keep from crying or throwing your computer across the room, or both. My sister sent to be a link to an article from 2011 titled, and I quote: “Top Twelve Reasons Why So Many Good Black Men Are Still Single”. After reading the first reason I knew, a response to this epic bullshit would make a great #singlegirlproblems post.

The post can be found here at the afro.com and the oh so “informative podcast” that is referenced, “The Victory Unlimited Show”, is well from this black woman’s point of view, the reason why any good black man who listens to the show is still single.

If you have glanced at the post and have comeback to reality, you know why I am so hype. I mean really dude? Really? My resting bitch face is so on point right now, so without any further delay here is my response to: “The Top Twelve Reasons Why So Many Good Black Men Are Still Single: (disclaimer: please do not drink anything while reading this. I am not responsible for any damage to your computer caused by your drink flying out of your mouth.)

1.) They keep meeting woman with unrealistic expectations for what they want in a man. I’m so sorry if I want a man to have a job and a place to live. Last time I checked that wasn’t unrealistic, it was called being a responsible adult.

2.) They keep meeting women who put them in the wrong category by writing them off to quickly as not being “their type”. Your type may be video vixen. I am not a vide vixen. Therefore, I am not your type. The end. It’s very cut and dry when you think of it that way.

3.) They’re not wanted because they are not needed. Too many women have told them they don’t “need” a man. I don’t need a man to pay my bills or take care of me. I need a man to be a companion, husband, father, soul mate, my other half. If you can’t handle that then guess what Boo? You’re absolutely right. I don’t need you.

4.) They keep meeting black women who don’t respect them just because they “are” black men. And I want you to respect me for being a black woman. Respect is a two-way street. To get respect, you have to give it. Plan and simple.

5.) They keep failing women’s Girlfriend Approval Test. If the woman’s friends don’t like them, then they woman won’t give them a chance either. I value my girlfriends’ opinions. They speak the truth. You may be speaking to get me in bed. Guess who I am going to trust?

6.) They keep meeting women who are not interested in them, but only in how much money they make. Then stop flaunting your money around like freakin’ Floyd Mayweather. Guess what? If all you do is buy a woman things, they will only see you as a wallet. Start being a man and she will see you as one.

7.) They’re nobody until somebody loves them. Not enough women see them as a prize unless they see a lot of other women chasing after them first.  Doesn’t your mother love you? I can’t responsible for your deep rooted, “Mommy didn’t give enough hugs when I was 4 complex”. As Mama Rupaul always says,” If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an Amen”? Yes, Honey. Amen.

8.) They meet too many women who don’t really know what they want. Do you know what you really want? Let’s be serious. Do you know what type of women you are looking for? You can’t say that a woman doesn’t know what she wants if you can even begin to articulate what you want.

9.) They meet too many women who believe that single, good black men are “too good to be true.” Le sigh. How many black men think a smart, single, educated black woman is too good to be true? Well here I am.

10.) They’re the right man at the wrong time. Life is all about timing. Maybe she is not into dating right now? Maybe you failed to see that she is married right now. Maybe you didn’t notice that she didn’t want to talk to you right now.

11.) They meet too many women who don’t recognize a good man when they see one. Many black men don’t recognize a good black woman when they see one. (Drops mic and walks away.)

12.) They don’t promote all the great things about themselves boldly or consistently enough to enough women. So you need to be put on a pedestal with your accomplishments scrolling behind you like movie credits for you to feel good about yourself? That sounds like a personal problem, Bro.

Not one of these reasons has anything to do with the man. Not one. It is really easy to say, I am single because everyone else it messed up. Maybe you need to get your shit together, figure out what you want in life and then go get it. That’s what you want women to do. We need to have it all. In shape, educated, financially stable, look good, smell good, dress well, hair done, nails, done, cook, clean, help you, help the family. The list goes on. But of course, as soon as this is brought to a man’s attention it’s, “Nah, we just want you to be yourself.” But when I am myself, I’m not all that you want me to be, therefore, not good enough for you. It’s a fucked up dynamic.

While you figure out what you want and please take your time, I’m gonna be over here. Still single.

Later Days,

B

It’s My Party… Well Not Yet At Least

First off, I want to say THANK YOU!!!!! My blog has over 1,000 lifetime views!! Thank you to each and every one of you that have just stopped by or are regular readers. It means so much to me that you take time out of your busy day to take a peak into my crazy life. Smooches and Gracias!

With that being said…. Back to the nuttiness (is that even a word? It is now!) that is my life.

I have a “special” birthday coming up in January. Yup, this girl (can I still call myself a girl?) is officially entering her mid-30’s in 6 months. Excuse me while I curl up in the fetal position and devour a pint of ice cream. Where did the time go? How did this happen? I am no where near where I want to be (#singlegirlproblems) in life. Ok, let me stop right now before I have a full-blown panic attack in front of this computer. Yes, I am not where I want to be, but I can still celebrate my birthday right?!? But how….

Well there’s the problem. I don’t know how!! You only turn 35 once so why not make a big deal out of it, but what is this girl to do. My ideas range from taking a trip, having a nice dinner, planing a sleepover, going out to a club, throwing a party, or staying at home by myself with a bucket of chicken, a 12 pack of Coors Light, ice cream and the several Muppet movies. As usual, I am all over the place and do not see myself coming in for a landing any time soon.

And timing is not in my favor. My birthday falls smack in the middle of MLK weekend, when a lot of people take trips, possibly diminishing my guest list. Le sigh… Back to the bucket ‘o KFC I guess…

So like all big decisions in my life (not all, but it seems like a lot since I started blogging), I’m leaving this one up to you, well not entirely up to you guys. But I do need some direction. Well one direction… (sorry had to go there. It was too easy).

What do you thing I should do for my birthday? I will gladly take suggestions (and give credit) as long as they are clean, ethical, legal, and do not require bail money.

So put you thinking caps on and go!

Your assistance is greatly appreciated! And thanks again for reading!!

Later Days!
B

#singlegirlproblems

How did my little social experiment far this weekend? Fair to partly cloudy. The entire weekend wasn’t a bust, but Friday did not go well. I was excited to go out. Like really excited. It has been a while since I got all dressed up and went out for a night out on the town. I made sure all my chores were done, picked out an outfit that was comfortable, yet classy and headed out to North Shore Beach Club, a private pool and bar in Philly. Took me a little bit to make it to the spot due to some
road construction, but I did beat cover.Success. That was probably the highlight of the night. What met me beyond the doors was a total cluster fuck. I had to be one of the oldest people in the entire building. People were lounging on beach chairs scrolling through Facebook not paying attention to anyone, someone was thrown into the pool, and there were many people holding court at the bar. We will not even begin to describe the many questionable fashion choices.

After 3 drinks, I left. Yup, I hauled ass out of there. I couldn’t take it anymore. Luckily, I passed a McDonald’s on the way home. That was the second highlight of the night. I left at 9:45. I was home by 12:40 and that included my McD’s detour. There would have been a time that I would have stuck it out, hoping that the mood and vibe of the room changed. Not so much anymore. I had had enough of the selfies in the dark and high cut bathing suits and I was gone. Wisdom does come with age.

Saturday was a different story. I was invited to a house party for a friend’s birthday party. There was food, drink, music, laughs and good conversation. Sweet bliss. This was more my speed. A good time was had by all. I had such a wonderful time, which I paid for this morning (hey wine!)

So what was the verdict? Both of these events taught me one valuable lesson. I need to figure out where my tribe hangs out an frequent those places.I need to find my peeps!! And I can tell you that they are not at North Shore on a Friday night. Now that I know where they aren’t, I need to find out where they are…..

Sounds like this experiment is just getting started.

Later Days!
B

#singlegirlproblems

So where does a girl who has #singlegirlproblems go to meet
guys? And please don’t tell me the grocery store. I hate grocery shopping
anyway. Adding the tasks of scoping out potential companions while picking out the perfect bag of grapes will just send me off the deep end. Obviously my OK Cupid experiment is bust if I can’t
get past messages with bad grammar and men with atrocious usernames. So it’s on to good, old fashion meetings.
It is the summer and being cooped up in the house staring at
the furry ones (as appealing as it may sound) is not how I intend to spend these next few glorious months. Where should I go? What should I do? AHHHH!
I’m serious. It’s not like I am a crazy cat lady and stay
in my apartment all the time. I do go out to social events and happy hours, but
I suck at mixing and mingling. Like , really suck at it. Small talk and chit chatter aren’t my thang. Which I guess is why I am still single. But who doesn’t
like a good happy hour special after a crazy day at work?

 

Or maybe the social setting is not the problem. Maybe it’s
me and a lack of social skills. I think I am a pretty sociable person. I mean I
talk to people, but am I not sociable enough? I don’t want to fling myself on a
guy or seem to needy. We all know that is not me.What is a single girl to do!!!! I’m asking for any tips, tricks, suggestions, anything. I’m at my wits ends on this one. I literally don’t know what to do with this one!

Something to ponder over ice cream or several bottles of wine…. I’ll go with the wine!

Later Days

B

#singlegirlproblems

Fior this week’s analysis, I give you the following:
 
Good Morning how are
you? I like your profile and what you stand for. What I’m bout I’m born again
Christian that a strong foundation in my faith. I’m very outgoing, down to
earth and have a great sense of humor. I love to tell koke and make people
laugh all the time. I’m very through provocating, intellectual and love to have
deep conversation about life and etc. I’m very caring and loving person that do
not judge but show strong support those that are in needs.
~smooth3033.
Dear Smooth3033,
Thank you so much for writing more than one
sentence which did not begin with or contain the words hey, sexy, beautiful
and/or girl. I appreciate the fact that you took the time to let me know a
little bit more bout you. However… I am trying so hard to work on my quirks and
nuances. It would have helped your chances somewhat if you would have
taken a few moments to proof read your message. I did get the gist of it, after
reading it a couple of times and filling in the missing words in my head.
Again, thank you for your message and for deactivating your
account.
Take Care,
Bianca
I am really working hard on not
judging people and letting my “list” of requirements get in the way of meeting
my Mr. Right, but come on! All it takes is a few minutes to look over your
writing and correct it so that I don’t have to guess what you are saying. That’s
all I am asking. Is that too much? Please let me know if I am completely out of
bounds here.
And it is quite refreshing, that in
time where men are not comfortable expressing their feelings freely, Mr.
Smooth3033 felt comfortable enough to share your feelings with me, although
completely grammatically incorrect. But thanks for trying.
I guess what I am trying to get at,
for me, it’s the simple things that I find attractive in a man. Sense of humor,
funny, smart, employed, and can write a paragraph in complete sentences.
Later Days,

 

B
P.S. Or maybe this happened…

#singlegirlproblems

An Eeyore like black cloud has been hovering over my sweet little head
for the past week. I couldn’t figure what was up with me. Then I did some quick
calculations and it hit me in the face like a frying pan. I’ll be 35 in 6
months. I’m going through a mid-30’s crisis. Single. Alone. Mediocre job. One
pet away from a menagerie. The obligatory third wheel everywhere I go. Manless.
Kidless…. Please give me a moment while I pull myself out of the fetal
position and put down the Ben and Jerry’s.
Thank you. As I wallow away in my self
pity, something told me to check ok Cupid. And there waiting for me was this
little gem.
This is exactly how it was written…
richie2316: OMG. You look so sweet.. I m
richard and i m so new on this online stuff just searching profiles and i found
yours to be interesting.. I would love to know you more better.. You can always
txt me on (full phone number given) I will be waiting to get a text from you..
Its nice to meet you and i hope this goes a long way because with God all
things are possible.

Yes, with God I am able
to see that there is a reason I have been kept away from men such as Richie and
single for so long. Thank you Lord for protecting me from such ratchet
foolishness.
This entire message sounds like the first
5 minutes of a Lifetime movie. You know the one. Where the sweet young co-ed
thinks she is being nice to the charming, handsome man and gives him her
number. Only to be stalked by said charming, handsome man turned psycho, clingy
mad man who was just released from prison for stalking and attempting to kill
his ex-girlfriend.  You’ve seen it, right or the 20 just like it.
There are so many things wrong with this
message, besides the glaring grammatical errors. Where shall we start?
Are you really “new” to this online thing,
or have you found the one message that other women have responded to that you
post all the time
You want to get to know me better or more
better? How can you know me more better if we don’t know each other at all?
Nice to meet me? We haven’t met. Or have
you started to stalk me already? Should I call the cops and start carrying
mace?
You will be waiting for my text? Please do
not hold your breath sweet Richie. You may be waiting until Rachel figures out which
race she is.
And finally, my personal favorite, why are
you bringing the Lord into this. That is just sinful…. With that begin said,
In my Katt Williams voice,” why don’t you
send me somebody Jesus!”
Later Days!

 

B

#singlegirlproblems

Summer has officially descended upon Philadelphia which
means humidity will be wreaking havoc on my hair and allergies for the next
three months. Oh the joy of joys. And while somehow the furries and I survived
last summer without AC, I knew I was going to have to break down and get one
this year.

Or maybe not.
Thanks to the semi-hippie commune that I live in, I
have use of an air conditioner that was left behind by a previous tenant. Thank
the Lord! The second time it reached 90 this year, I trudged to the basement
and hauled that bad boy up to my apartment like it was my job. Dust, dirt, cobwebs,
and all.
Now…. How does one put in a window air conditioning unit??  I had central air in my last place, but I knew
the basics of installing a window unit. But it was the “holy shit, I hope this
bastard doesn’t fall out this window moments,” that caused a lot of trepidation
while installing my relief from the summer muggies.
Which brings us to this week’s #singlegirlproblem. If you’re
a single gal, when you need a man, there ain’t one around. Granted, I am very
handy. Extremely handy if I do say so myself (and since this is my blog, I
can). I can put together IKEA furniture like a boss. When it comes to jobs
around the house that require a.) brute strength b.) plumbing expertise c.) electrical
work, or d.) anything dealing with animals that I did not purposely bring into
my home, I am useless. Unless it is absolutely necessary as in the case when
you are single and live alone, to do such things. As I struggled with said air
conditioner, all I kept thing was, “where is a man when you need one?” Wouldn’t
it be great if I could just wiggle my nose like Samantha on Bewitched
(seriously dating myself there) and a hunky shirtless man in tight jeans show
up to put the air conditioner in for me? A girl can dream right. Alas, that was
not the case. After several near drops and severely sweaty palms, the fur kids
and I (until my electric bill comes) are enjoying the cold air.
Yes, the air conditioner did get
in the window and is functioning perfectly. But I had put it in because there
was no one else to do it. And while I am the total feminist and can totally
take care of myself, there are times when having a man around would be so damn convenient.
Yes, I said it. And I make no bones about it.  Sometimes, I wish I could say, “Hey babe, can
you get the pasta off of the shelf,” instead of using my handy step stool that
stays at the ready at all times because I am short. Or it would nice for
someone else to lug the cat litter out of the car. Someday!
Hopefully the air conditioner
comes out easier than it went in. Maybe I should start practicing my nose
wiggling….
Later Days!

 

B

#singlegirlproblems

Chivalry is dead…..
Dead, dead, dead and gone. Won’t be
resurrected like Jesus dead.
What happened??? Why is there a
generation of some men (shout out to those real men!) who don’t know how to
take care of a women!!!  Where the hell
are the rest of your brethren??
And I mean guys in general being nice
to women. Like holding doors open, giving up your seat on a crowded train,
paying for a movie ticket. Simple shit that shows you were taught something.
Not let me carry this chick over Niagara Falls on a high wire like Nick
Wallenda complex crap. Just simply being a gentleman.
And trust me. These simple gestures
will be totally appreciated, reciprocated, and will probably cement your
relationship. It’s a total no brainer. In my opinion.
I failed the Bronx Tale test once.
You know the part in the movie where, I think it’s Al Pacino’s character, takes
his girlfriend on a date and he opens the car door for her, and she reaches across
seat and opens the driver side door for him(Google it). How romantic…
Is it so simple that it isn’t being
done anymore. I mean brushing your teeth is simple and everyone does it
(hopefully) so why not take two seconds and hold a door open for Christ’s sake!
My failure wasn’t in a car, but it
was the same premise. Years ago, I went on a date and afterwards went back to
my place for something to eat. Nothing fancy, we ordered pizza. Since he paid
for our lovely ice skating date, I though I would take care of the pizza. Simple
right. Dead wrong. He was upset that I paid….. A text later from him said,
“If it wasn’t worth my time, I wouldn’t have asked.” Or something
like that. He basically said I should not have paid for the $12 pizza. Let’s
just say that was the last thing I ever paid for on a date. I had stopped him
from being a man. I stopped him from providing for me like he was taught to do.
He felt that a part of his manly duty was to pay for pizza and I snatched it
from under him without giving him the chance to offer. Big mistake. And one
that I haven’t made again.
A simple gesture like paying for
pizza or holding the door open shows that you will be what every women wants. A
provider. That’s it. Women want be taken care of. Think of it this way. Ladies
have been taking care of themselves since after they graduate high school or
college and enter the working world. It is exhausting budgeting bills, social
activities, and life. Women want someone else to pay for something sometime. Or
maybe it’s just me who feels a special way when a man says, “No baby. I got
this.” Swoon.
So fellas, listen up. Take care of
your woman or any women that you may come across. Say hello, hold a door open, or
buy them a pizza. And women, let your man take care of you. Even if you have a
house, car, six figure job, and “got this”. Let your man be your man and take
care of you. You don’t have to be the man and woman in a relationship.
So maybe chivalry isn’t dead. Just
like my male unicorn is out there somewhere…..
Later Days!

 

B

#singlegirlproblems

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, I was treated
to this message exchange on OkCupid.
Oh the humanity…
May 24th
Malikfromphilly:
Good morning how are you doing how’s ur weekend going so far?
 
May 25th
Malikifromphilly:
Bianca its ok to say good morning it won’t hurt I promise lol
 
May 26th
Me: Hi
Malikfromphilly:
Good Morning how was your holiday weekend?
Malikfromphilly:
See that didn’t hurt did it lol
Actually it did. OK, time to be Captain Obvious. Malikfromphilly, there could
be a couple of reasons why I did not respond 1.) I was not checking OKCupid
every two seconds to see if someone has contacted me. 2.) I was busy, or 3.)
and the absolute truth, I don’t want to talk to you. BAM! I am not attracted to
you. I don’t want to meet you. I don’t want to play Words with Friends with
you. Plain and simple. I am not going to respond to you, just because you message
me every day. That’s some stalker shit.
Why is it so hard for men to comprehend
that no one is required to respond to your good morning sentence that, if you
used proper grammar should in fact be two sentences. And if someone doesn’t respond,
the fault is immediately place on the women and not the man’s lame ass attempt
to start a conversation.
When did it become a requirement for women to respond to men
whenever they speak? For instance, when walking down the street, some guy
yelled “Hey shorty”, in my general direction. When he did not hear a response
he said, “Why you have to be so mean? You not gonna say hi.” No I’m not because
last time I checked, my name is Bianca, not Shorty and how was I supposed to
know you were talking to me. Why do guys get so offended when their pathetic
attempts at striking up a conversation are shot down like a drone hovering over
the White House? When a women does not answer to the “hey shorty” that you
yelled across the street, it doesn’t mean there is something wrong with her, it
means that she doesn’t respond to being yelled at across the street on GP
(general principle). It’s that simple. So walk your lazy butt across the street
and introduce yourself properly. You may actually get a response.
So for the fellas out there, here
are some tips about how to strike up a conversation:
  •  Use
    your words – do not under any circumstances at all whistle, suck your teeth,
    woot, holler, or make any other sounds in hopes of attracting attention. You
    will get a response, but it will probably be a side eye or death glare
  • Do
    not use derogatory terms – I don’t know why I have to say it, but some people
    need to be reminded. If you don’t like to be called out your name, guess what,
    neither does the woman you are trying to talk to
  •  Be
    cautious when trying to be funny. Your attempt at a cute pick up line may fall
    flat
  • Be
    yourself – just like you can spot a weave and butt pads a mile away, women can
    see your fake attempt at being someone that you are not a mile away
  • Be
    truthful – don’t lie. Please for all things holy do not lie about your job,
    life, hobbies, kids, anything. If you do and the truth does come out… it will
    not end well for you.

 

So what happened to
Malikfromphilly? I haven’t responded. He hasn’t sent another message. Here’s
hoping he figured it out.
Later Days!

 

B