My Biological Clock is on Steroids
The holiday season has come and gone and I have officially moved into that glorious time of year between January 1st to the 16th when I contemplate my purpose in life and slam my head against the wall for operating well below my potential. This self-loathing now has a soundtrack. My biological clock.
Ever since I reached the lovely age of 30 and my Facebook feed magically morphed from party to pregnancy photos, I am constantly assaulted with the fact that I am single with no kids. This holiday season, it seemed that everyone else but me was either getting married or having a kid. Every other day there was an engagement or baby announcement to stop my thumb mid scroll and my ovaries tingle. Trust and believe that I am happy for my friends who are getting married and having babies. I so am. It just thrusts in my face with all the fury and tenacity of a Donald Trump tweet that I am still waiting for Prince Charming, it is well past midnight and my best and brightest eggs have been flushed down the toilet.
Life’s Plot Twist
I’m sure that there are a few of you out there who had this grand life plan. Married with kids by 30. Yup that was my plan too. But soon 30 turned to 35(damn near 36) and all I’ve got is a dog and cat. Yes, pets are kids. I get it, but they are not cute chubby cherubs that smell good. The closer I get to 40, the farther away having a family gets and that is terrifying.
Sure, I could go to a sperm bank, pick a guy from a catalog, and get knocked up by a turkey baster like many women have and I am by no means knocking their decision. All the power to them. But that’s not what I see for myself. I’m all about dating, falling in love, the wedding, family portraits and traditions. An episode of Scandal sounds more plausible than that right now.
Before you go there, yes I have seriously looked into freezing my eggs. That shut the door quicker than being shut down at a happy hour. If someone would like to donate $6,000 and inject me with hormones, I’m all about that. I’ll set up my GoFundMe page in a second. I could do it, but just the thought of going through what amounts to half an IVF procedure is not in my wheel house. Again, all the power and praise in the world for couple for go through IVF and any other type of fertility treatment. I can’t imagine what you are going through. All the praise to you and your journey. But what is this single girl to do?
Get Your Shit Together
Accept, acknowledge, forgive, and release that’s what. I accept that I am single. Acknowledge the feelings of anger, resentment, and want. Forgive myself for having these limiting beliefs, and release them. Maybe I am not in the right place for a family. Perhaps my biological clock needs to tick longer. Or I need to heal myself before I add anyone else to my situation. Who knows. But it’s ok. It’s going to be ok. This year, I have decided to focus on myself spiritually through mediation, A Course in Miracles, and Gabby Bernstein. If you need a change and don’t know where to start, pick Spirit Junkie or the Universe has Your Back. It has done wonders for me and we’re only at January 8th!
I’m not upset that I am not where I want to be. I am where I need to be. A cool ass Fairy God Mother and Amazing Auntie BeeBee and that’s all that really matters. If not, there’s always Janet Jackson.