Category Archives: #singlegirlstruggle

How I Silenced My Biological Clock

My Biological Clock is on Steroids

The holiday season has come and gone and I have officially moved into that glorious time of year between January 1st to the 16th when I contemplate my purpose in life and slam my head against the wall for operating well below my potential. This self-loathing now has a soundtrack. My biological clock.

Ever since I reached the lovely age of 30 and my Facebook feed magically morphed from party to pregnancy photos, I am constantly assaulted with the fact that I am single with no kids. This holiday season, it seemed that everyone else but me was either getting married or having a kid. Every other day there was an engagement or baby announcement to stop my thumb mid scroll and my ovaries tingle. Trust and believe that I am happy for my friends who are getting married and having babies. I so am. It just thrusts in my face with all the fury and tenacity of a Donald Trump tweet that I am still waiting for Prince Charming, it is well past midnight and my best and brightest eggs have been flushed down the toilet.

Life’s Plot Twist

I’m sure that there are a few of you out there who had this grand life plan. Married with kids by 30. Yup that was my plan too. But soon 30 turned to 35(damn near 36) and all I’ve got is a dog and cat. Yes, pets are kids. I get it, but they are not cute chubby cherubs that smell good. The closer I get to 40, the farther away having a family gets and that is terrifying.

Sure, I could go to a sperm bank, pick a guy from a catalog, and get knocked up by a turkey baster like many women have and I am by no means knocking their decision. All the power to them. But that’s not what I see for myself. I’m all about dating, falling in love, the wedding, family portraits and traditions. An episode of Scandal sounds more plausible than that right now.

Before you go there, yes I have seriously looked into freezing my eggs. That shut the door quicker than being shut down at a happy hour. If someone would like to donate $6,000 and inject me with hormones, I’m all about that. I’ll set up my GoFundMe page in a second. I could do it, but just the thought of going through what amounts to half an IVF procedure is not in my wheel house. Again, all the power and praise in the world for couple for go through IVF and any other type of fertility treatment. I can’t imagine what you are going through. All the praise to you and your journey. But what is this single girl to do?

Get Your Shit Together

Accept, acknowledge, forgive, and release that’s what. I accept that I am single. Acknowledge the feelings of anger, resentment, and want. Forgive myself for having these limiting beliefs, and release them. Maybe I am not in the right place for a family. Perhaps my biological clock needs to tick longer. Or I need to heal myself before I add anyone else to my situation. Who knows. But it’s ok. It’s going to be ok. This year, I have decided to focus on myself spiritually through mediation, A Course in Miracles, and Gabby Bernstein. If you need a change and don’t know where to start, pick Spirit Junkie or the Universe has Your Back. It has done wonders for me and we’re only at January 8th!

I’m not upset that I am not where I want to be. I am where I need to be. A cool ass Fairy God Mother and Amazing Auntie BeeBee and that’s all that really matters. If not, there’s always Janet Jackson.

Later Days,

B

Welcome to the Summer of Bee

Well, Mother Nature has thrown us of a roller coaster loop in the Northeast the past month. It was Seattle soupy for quite some time. I forgot what sunshine felt like.  But maybe Mother Nature was sick of the “April Showers Bring May Flowers Act.” Maybe she wanted us to know who exactly was in charge. Maybe Mother Nature was tired of being in the same rut… spring, summer, fall, then winter. Maybe was sick of the same shit, wiggled out of her Spanx and said, fuck it! It’s going to be 50 and raining in May and you are going to like it! Maybe I need to learn a lesson from Mama Nature and say fuck you to my current routine and spice things up a bit.

And what better time for a change of pace than summer. Those glorious 3 months when flings, fun, and frivolity reign supreme. I am always down for weekend getaways to New York or Virginia. But this year, this year is going to be different. It’s time to say adios to the blah old Bianca. I officially dubbed the next 3-4 months depending on how long is stays warm, “The Summer of Bee”. No more little Miss Quiet! It’s time to take this town by storm, with all the gusto I can with on a very limited entertainment budget.

summer-fun-dating-single-change

I’m Cool for the Sumer

This isn’t about finding a hobby, a way to pass the time, or a man. This is about discovering the real me. The me that has been locked away longer than the recipe for Colonel Sander’s fried chicken. Yes people! This is the summer that I, Bianca S, get my groove back (or finally gets it depending on your interpretation).

Change is a comin’

The wheels of change have already been set in motion. I am starting to live life on the edge and it feels great. How you say? What if I told you that I recently stayed out way past bedtime on a Thursday night and had actual conversations with men? This may not seem like a “thing”, but it is a huge fuckin deal in the world of Bianca. I don’t know who this woman is, but I like her. I like her a lot. I think that we will have a lot of fun together. What is on deck for the summer of Bee, let’s take a look shall we:

1.)  Hair Cut (post coming up soon!)

2.)  The Ultimate Rest: 21 Day Vegan Detox/Cleanse (probably the next few posts)

3.)  A random night out

4.)  Solo Dinner

5.)  …..

Yup that’s all I have… right now. And that’s where you come in. What’s a pretty single girl in the City supposed to do? I need ideas people. And there are a few restrictions a.) budget is $100 or less ( and the haircut and Ultimate Reset are over budget, and I don’t care) b.) fun c.) interesting d.) legal ( I don’t have bail money) e.) ethical (I don’t want to piss off Jesus.

summer-dating-fun-happy-single

What Should I Do This Summer?

 

So, what are you waiting for? Comment below with your suggestions and let’s make the Summer of Bee totally wickedly awesome!

Later Days

B

hashtagsinglegirlproblems

As an observer and part (I would like to believe so) of the political scene in Philadelphia for a few years, I have come to the realization that there are three types of civically engaged African American men in Philadelphia: “Those who are”, “those who want to be”, and “those who are here for the left over Politihos”(It’s just what it sounds like, trust me) who have had their dreams of being the next Michelle Obama crushed faster than their $20 H&M shoes start to hurt their feet.

There. I just said what so many women have probably thought to themselves countless times during endless political networking events, fundraisers, and happy hours. Many an hour of my life that I cannot get back have been spent studying (i.e. mingling and trying to control my resting bitch face) these local fellows. Let’s delve into each type shall we? “Those who are” is pretty self-explanatory. These are your elected officials, high powered lobbyists, staff, consultants, and movers and shakers of the city. Everyone wants to talk to, take a selfie with, or be seen with them. They have celebrity status and can do no wrong in the eyes of their constituents. “Those who are here for the Politihos” just came for those women who hope and pray that with the right hair, highest heels, and shortest skirt, that they will be whisked into the VIP section and possibly First Lady status. Those who want to be, well here is where things get very dicey for a single girl who is looking for her Frank Underwood to take her away from single girl status.

Upon further study, “those who want to be” can be broken down into two very distinct subgroups: Those who have legitimate potential to be and those who think they are by putting on a suit with a nice pocket square and some fancy socks. Now if you are like me, a single girl with a plan, then you obviously want the first choice. Someone you can work with and use all of you finely crafted Claire Underwood skills to build the two of you into the power couple that rivals Michelle and Barack. Someone who has the knowledge, presence, and grace to be that politician. Who you want to ride with, in the first car of the roller coaster for the entire amazing ride. Just typing that gives me hope that one day, one day I will be living that dream. But ladies, that sneaky wannabe type. What they lack in social skills, conversation, simple knowledge of politics, and basic fashion sense, they make up for in sheer determination in trying to make you believe that they are, in fact, somebody.

Looking the part and being the part is what separates the men from the boys, or in my case potential dates from potential blog post subjects. Even with their suit-pocket square-tie-sock-shoe-briefcase game, I can see right through their clever ruse. I have seen some cute dogs in suits and I have seen some men in nice suits who act like dogs #justsayin. It is your job to look past the GQ magazine cover and actually listen to the words that are coming out of their mouth. While it may sound good, because you know, he is in a suit and he does look dapper. If what he is saying has you hearing Scooby Doo in your head (think about it for a second). Run away, drink the alcohol that hopefully to have, or excuse yourself from the conversation. Do whatever you have to do to get away from the sneaky bastard. And dear super woman, since I am one of you, I know what you are thinking, “Maybe I can teach him a thing or two. Dress him up a bit. Make him into something.” Do yourself a favor. Take your hand, right or left it really doesn’t matter and with a lot of force, slap that shitty idea out of your head. He will not change. He thinks that he is part of the crowd. If you point out that he is in fact, a wannabe, 10 times out 10, he will not believe you. So save yourself and your liver a lot of trouble, get out before you get in.

Young Clare Hale, if you stay the course and don’t get distracted by the shiny fake packaging, fast talking, snake oil salesmanship of the political wannabes the end of the tunnel will be your prize. Your ride or die political soulmate. Your very own Francis Joseph Underwood. Stay strong girl.

Later Days,

B

hashtagsinglegirlproblems

hashtag-single-girl-problems-dating-children-married

The Joys of Being Single and Maybe Not…

Yes, I proudly wave my single girl flag and shout it from the roof tops. The truth is, while I want to be in a relationship, being in a relationship doesn’t define me. I am perfectly happy going to concerts, dinner, and social outings by myself, but is being single all it’s cracked up to be?

I am totally comfortable and happy with being single and living life by my terms; however, there is a part of me that is longing to be a wife and mother. I look at my friends who are married, engaged, have kids, or dating and think “yeah them, but why not me?” Why am I over here, trying every dating site, app, happy hour and mixer in the world to find someone and I am still fucking single? Is the universe conspiring against me? Is this a mid-term exam? Is there anyone out there for me? Bueller? Bueller?

Don’t get me wrong, I love my independence. I can go wherever, whenever, and do whatever I want no questions asked. But at the end of the day, Battista and Bean are not the best conversationalists. They are more concerned with meals, snacks, tummy rubs, and kisses. It’s great, but it’s not enough. They don’t replace human interaction. It just feels like there is something missing in my life. It would be nice, really nice, to come home to someone, to share experiences, talk, snuggle, travel, to live life with. How do I overcome this hellacious paradigm of wanting to be free but wanting to settle down? Is it possible to really do both?

We hear it all the time that women can have whatever they want. But what if the two things that you want inherently contradict each other? I am independent now because I am single, have my own place, car, and job. When I do get married and have children, people will be dependent upon me. So does that make me independent or dependable? Alice is officially down the rabbit hole with this one folks.

Maybe this internal hysteria is coming from my lack of success in finding Mr. Right. Maybe it is the fear of the unknown. How will I deal with being in a relationship when I have been alone my entire life? What kind of wife will I be? Will I be a good mother? Has my Mr. Right been hit by a Mack truck without me even knowing it? At this point I have more questions than answers which is not helping my anxiety. What I do know now, is that this “being single” part of my life will not (fingers crossed) last forever. And I am doing pretty good at it. And one day (knock on wood), my Mr. Right will come sauntering into my life, sweep me off my feet, and make me a happy wife and mother. One day. And then I will begin to define myself as a married women and mother, just as I have learned to define myself as a single woman. But for now I’ll be over here, being single and looking for a good therapist or a great pint of vegan ice cream.

Later Days,

B