Category Archives: #singlegirlproblems

Welcome to the Summer of Bee

Well, Mother Nature has thrown us of a roller coaster loop in the Northeast the past month. It was Seattle soupy for quite some time. I forgot what sunshine felt like.  But maybe Mother Nature was sick of the “April Showers Bring May Flowers Act.” Maybe she wanted us to know who exactly was in charge. Maybe Mother Nature was tired of being in the same rut… spring, summer, fall, then winter. Maybe was sick of the same shit, wiggled out of her Spanx and said, fuck it! It’s going to be 50 and raining in May and you are going to like it! Maybe I need to learn a lesson from Mama Nature and say fuck you to my current routine and spice things up a bit.

And what better time for a change of pace than summer. Those glorious 3 months when flings, fun, and frivolity reign supreme. I am always down for weekend getaways to New York or Virginia. But this year, this year is going to be different. It’s time to say adios to the blah old Bianca. I officially dubbed the next 3-4 months depending on how long is stays warm, “The Summer of Bee”. No more little Miss Quiet! It’s time to take this town by storm, with all the gusto I can with on a very limited entertainment budget.

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I’m Cool for the Sumer

This isn’t about finding a hobby, a way to pass the time, or a man. This is about discovering the real me. The me that has been locked away longer than the recipe for Colonel Sander’s fried chicken. Yes people! This is the summer that I, Bianca S, get my groove back (or finally gets it depending on your interpretation).

Change is a comin’

The wheels of change have already been set in motion. I am starting to live life on the edge and it feels great. How you say? What if I told you that I recently stayed out way past bedtime on a Thursday night and had actual conversations with men? This may not seem like a “thing”, but it is a huge fuckin deal in the world of Bianca. I don’t know who this woman is, but I like her. I like her a lot. I think that we will have a lot of fun together. What is on deck for the summer of Bee, let’s take a look shall we:

1.)  Hair Cut (post coming up soon!)

2.)  The Ultimate Rest: 21 Day Vegan Detox/Cleanse (probably the next few posts)

3.)  A random night out

4.)  Solo Dinner

5.)  …..

Yup that’s all I have… right now. And that’s where you come in. What’s a pretty single girl in the City supposed to do? I need ideas people. And there are a few restrictions a.) budget is $100 or less ( and the haircut and Ultimate Reset are over budget, and I don’t care) b.) fun c.) interesting d.) legal ( I don’t have bail money) e.) ethical (I don’t want to piss off Jesus.

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What Should I Do This Summer?

 

So, what are you waiting for? Comment below with your suggestions and let’s make the Summer of Bee totally wickedly awesome!

Later Days

B

hashtagsinglegirlproblems

As an observer and part (I would like to believe so) of the political scene in Philadelphia for a few years, I have come to the realization that there are three types of civically engaged African American men in Philadelphia: “Those who are”, “those who want to be”, and “those who are here for the left over Politihos”(It’s just what it sounds like, trust me) who have had their dreams of being the next Michelle Obama crushed faster than their $20 H&M shoes start to hurt their feet.

There. I just said what so many women have probably thought to themselves countless times during endless political networking events, fundraisers, and happy hours. Many an hour of my life that I cannot get back have been spent studying (i.e. mingling and trying to control my resting bitch face) these local fellows. Let’s delve into each type shall we? “Those who are” is pretty self-explanatory. These are your elected officials, high powered lobbyists, staff, consultants, and movers and shakers of the city. Everyone wants to talk to, take a selfie with, or be seen with them. They have celebrity status and can do no wrong in the eyes of their constituents. “Those who are here for the Politihos” just came for those women who hope and pray that with the right hair, highest heels, and shortest skirt, that they will be whisked into the VIP section and possibly First Lady status. Those who want to be, well here is where things get very dicey for a single girl who is looking for her Frank Underwood to take her away from single girl status.

Upon further study, “those who want to be” can be broken down into two very distinct subgroups: Those who have legitimate potential to be and those who think they are by putting on a suit with a nice pocket square and some fancy socks. Now if you are like me, a single girl with a plan, then you obviously want the first choice. Someone you can work with and use all of you finely crafted Claire Underwood skills to build the two of you into the power couple that rivals Michelle and Barack. Someone who has the knowledge, presence, and grace to be that politician. Who you want to ride with, in the first car of the roller coaster for the entire amazing ride. Just typing that gives me hope that one day, one day I will be living that dream. But ladies, that sneaky wannabe type. What they lack in social skills, conversation, simple knowledge of politics, and basic fashion sense, they make up for in sheer determination in trying to make you believe that they are, in fact, somebody.

Looking the part and being the part is what separates the men from the boys, or in my case potential dates from potential blog post subjects. Even with their suit-pocket square-tie-sock-shoe-briefcase game, I can see right through their clever ruse. I have seen some cute dogs in suits and I have seen some men in nice suits who act like dogs #justsayin. It is your job to look past the GQ magazine cover and actually listen to the words that are coming out of their mouth. While it may sound good, because you know, he is in a suit and he does look dapper. If what he is saying has you hearing Scooby Doo in your head (think about it for a second). Run away, drink the alcohol that hopefully to have, or excuse yourself from the conversation. Do whatever you have to do to get away from the sneaky bastard. And dear super woman, since I am one of you, I know what you are thinking, “Maybe I can teach him a thing or two. Dress him up a bit. Make him into something.” Do yourself a favor. Take your hand, right or left it really doesn’t matter and with a lot of force, slap that shitty idea out of your head. He will not change. He thinks that he is part of the crowd. If you point out that he is in fact, a wannabe, 10 times out 10, he will not believe you. So save yourself and your liver a lot of trouble, get out before you get in.

Young Clare Hale, if you stay the course and don’t get distracted by the shiny fake packaging, fast talking, snake oil salesmanship of the political wannabes the end of the tunnel will be your prize. Your ride or die political soulmate. Your very own Francis Joseph Underwood. Stay strong girl.

Later Days,

B

hashtagsinglegirlproblems

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The Joys of Being Single and Maybe Not…

Yes, I proudly wave my single girl flag and shout it from the roof tops. The truth is, while I want to be in a relationship, being in a relationship doesn’t define me. I am perfectly happy going to concerts, dinner, and social outings by myself, but is being single all it’s cracked up to be?

I am totally comfortable and happy with being single and living life by my terms; however, there is a part of me that is longing to be a wife and mother. I look at my friends who are married, engaged, have kids, or dating and think “yeah them, but why not me?” Why am I over here, trying every dating site, app, happy hour and mixer in the world to find someone and I am still fucking single? Is the universe conspiring against me? Is this a mid-term exam? Is there anyone out there for me? Bueller? Bueller?

Don’t get me wrong, I love my independence. I can go wherever, whenever, and do whatever I want no questions asked. But at the end of the day, Battista and Bean are not the best conversationalists. They are more concerned with meals, snacks, tummy rubs, and kisses. It’s great, but it’s not enough. They don’t replace human interaction. It just feels like there is something missing in my life. It would be nice, really nice, to come home to someone, to share experiences, talk, snuggle, travel, to live life with. How do I overcome this hellacious paradigm of wanting to be free but wanting to settle down? Is it possible to really do both?

We hear it all the time that women can have whatever they want. But what if the two things that you want inherently contradict each other? I am independent now because I am single, have my own place, car, and job. When I do get married and have children, people will be dependent upon me. So does that make me independent or dependable? Alice is officially down the rabbit hole with this one folks.

Maybe this internal hysteria is coming from my lack of success in finding Mr. Right. Maybe it is the fear of the unknown. How will I deal with being in a relationship when I have been alone my entire life? What kind of wife will I be? Will I be a good mother? Has my Mr. Right been hit by a Mack truck without me even knowing it? At this point I have more questions than answers which is not helping my anxiety. What I do know now, is that this “being single” part of my life will not (fingers crossed) last forever. And I am doing pretty good at it. And one day (knock on wood), my Mr. Right will come sauntering into my life, sweep me off my feet, and make me a happy wife and mother. One day. And then I will begin to define myself as a married women and mother, just as I have learned to define myself as a single woman. But for now I’ll be over here, being single and looking for a good therapist or a great pint of vegan ice cream.

Later Days,

B

hashtagsinglegirlproblems

singlegirllogo

Sometimes you just have to laugh to keep from crying or throwing your computer across the room, or both. My sister sent to be a link to an article from 2011 titled, and I quote: “Top Twelve Reasons Why So Many Good Black Men Are Still Single”. After reading the first reason I knew, a response to this epic bullshit would make a great #singlegirlproblems post.

The post can be found here at the afro.com and the oh so “informative podcast” that is referenced, “The Victory Unlimited Show”, is well from this black woman’s point of view, the reason why any good black man who listens to the show is still single.

If you have glanced at the post and have comeback to reality, you know why I am so hype. I mean really dude? Really? My resting bitch face is so on point right now, so without any further delay here is my response to: “The Top Twelve Reasons Why So Many Good Black Men Are Still Single: (disclaimer: please do not drink anything while reading this. I am not responsible for any damage to your computer caused by your drink flying out of your mouth.)

1.) They keep meeting woman with unrealistic expectations for what they want in a man. I’m so sorry if I want a man to have a job and a place to live. Last time I checked that wasn’t unrealistic, it was called being a responsible adult.

2.) They keep meeting women who put them in the wrong category by writing them off to quickly as not being “their type”. Your type may be video vixen. I am not a vide vixen. Therefore, I am not your type. The end. It’s very cut and dry when you think of it that way.

3.) They’re not wanted because they are not needed. Too many women have told them they don’t “need” a man. I don’t need a man to pay my bills or take care of me. I need a man to be a companion, husband, father, soul mate, my other half. If you can’t handle that then guess what Boo? You’re absolutely right. I don’t need you.

4.) They keep meeting black women who don’t respect them just because they “are” black men. And I want you to respect me for being a black woman. Respect is a two-way street. To get respect, you have to give it. Plan and simple.

5.) They keep failing women’s Girlfriend Approval Test. If the woman’s friends don’t like them, then they woman won’t give them a chance either. I value my girlfriends’ opinions. They speak the truth. You may be speaking to get me in bed. Guess who I am going to trust?

6.) They keep meeting women who are not interested in them, but only in how much money they make. Then stop flaunting your money around like freakin’ Floyd Mayweather. Guess what? If all you do is buy a woman things, they will only see you as a wallet. Start being a man and she will see you as one.

7.) They’re nobody until somebody loves them. Not enough women see them as a prize unless they see a lot of other women chasing after them first.  Doesn’t your mother love you? I can’t responsible for your deep rooted, “Mommy didn’t give enough hugs when I was 4 complex”. As Mama Rupaul always says,” If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an Amen”? Yes, Honey. Amen.

8.) They meet too many women who don’t really know what they want. Do you know what you really want? Let’s be serious. Do you know what type of women you are looking for? You can’t say that a woman doesn’t know what she wants if you can even begin to articulate what you want.

9.) They meet too many women who believe that single, good black men are “too good to be true.” Le sigh. How many black men think a smart, single, educated black woman is too good to be true? Well here I am.

10.) They’re the right man at the wrong time. Life is all about timing. Maybe she is not into dating right now? Maybe you failed to see that she is married right now. Maybe you didn’t notice that she didn’t want to talk to you right now.

11.) They meet too many women who don’t recognize a good man when they see one. Many black men don’t recognize a good black woman when they see one. (Drops mic and walks away.)

12.) They don’t promote all the great things about themselves boldly or consistently enough to enough women. So you need to be put on a pedestal with your accomplishments scrolling behind you like movie credits for you to feel good about yourself? That sounds like a personal problem, Bro.

Not one of these reasons has anything to do with the man. Not one. It is really easy to say, I am single because everyone else it messed up. Maybe you need to get your shit together, figure out what you want in life and then go get it. That’s what you want women to do. We need to have it all. In shape, educated, financially stable, look good, smell good, dress well, hair done, nails, done, cook, clean, help you, help the family. The list goes on. But of course, as soon as this is brought to a man’s attention it’s, “Nah, we just want you to be yourself.” But when I am myself, I’m not all that you want me to be, therefore, not good enough for you. It’s a fucked up dynamic.

While you figure out what you want and please take your time, I’m gonna be over here. Still single.

Later Days,

B